Whatcha drinkin? Rum or Whiskey?

SO. basically Grace and I are pretty fucking clutch. We were really poor last night and we wanted to drink like most college students do. But whatever could we do? Liquor store? too expensive. Rich friends? we have no friends. Game night? no. OH WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!!!!!

FREE OPEN BAR AT POURHOUSE!!!! (clicklinksforfreedrinks.com - invite us all please kthx)

So Grace and I were discussing this as we were walking to Harlem to get two dollar blocks of cheese from C-Mart and 2 dollar coals from the street vendor with all the delicious smelling oil things and such. **2 is the magic number!** Let the calling begin! Oh wait...no one answered the phone so we sank into the depths of despair. Recall the fact that we have NO FRIENDS. So we get back to the suite after sprinting up the hill back from Harlem and set down in our suite and start thinking more about who might actually show up to an open bar. In the end we got about 20 people signed up and sent the invitations...but nothing is ever that easy. We sent out the email but nothing happened because we have already had a free open bar so we all found/created new email accounts (thanks gmail!) and got everything set up.

8 o'clock rolls around and we, read Grace, started freaking out about people not showing up and us not getting our open bar. I, being the cool calm hipster dude that I am, told her relax its all gon b k to which Grace replied, "Dude open your eyes, you're not gonna get into pourhouse looking like that." Whatever. I am a champion.

We walk and walk and walk, trudging along the cold hard streets toward Pourhouse and we arrive after our brisk walk to find Patrick there, the only one on time. I walk in, calm and cool and demand to see the manager OR ELSE! Of course they abided and within moments we were perched on our stools, mouths watering, waiting for the barmistress to come by and take our orders. She asks us, Whatcha drinkin, Rum or Whiskey? but not really. She just gave us our open bar bands and reminded us that GRATUITY is NOT INCLUDED! After this we begin to down drinks like there's no tomorrow, or rather there's no more free booze after 9:10pm. Nate showed up with some friends and joined the debauchery and had 4 too many drinks and began to hit on the bartender.

I quote, "You aRree the MOOSssst BeautifFul BartTEendRERr I've EverreeRR Seennn@EEEeEE#@EEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

9 rolled around and we decided it would be a good idea to go to Postcrypt...in a church...while drunks...WRONG! terrible idea. worst idea... we came, we saw, we RAN! back to our suite, the REAL holy place where we took it to the next level! h405 Style!!!! BITCHES...needless to say the entire night was a success.

Grace and I, united in our cause, ran, jumped, and said,

"FTW FTW FTW FTW! CLUTCH CLUTCH CLUTCH!!!!"

Now, we are a little sauced because my dad came through in the clutch...YAY PARENTS!!!!

LOVE LOVE,

Grace and that cool, calm hipster dude!

two loves remember that's the magic number!
two
not you
we dont need your stinkin friendship
but we do...
come to our next party on friday at 10 (come at 11 so we can be drunk before you get here)!

there will be wine, and pomegranates, and grapes and all that greek stuff. Oh and wear a toga.

we LOVE LOVE you!

grace says, "good, post."

In Honor of Our Suitemates' Return

To honor Grace on the day of her return this Wednesday, I propose we build a giant monument, a statuesque sculpture of dirty, used, rotting dishware in homage to our fair-skinned suitemate. It will stretch from a towering peak high above the counter, down into the depths of the sink, which it will fill until the basin runeth over. It will be the the most daunting and daring feat of architecture, engineering, and slovenliness yet achieved by the hands of man. Its glistening surface--smelling foully of hookah smoke and a-titter with the dancing of a thousand fruit flies--will stretch as tall as the sky and deeper than hell.

Yes, suitemates, though it is indeed true that our colossal structure already nears completion, we must not rest; rather, we must continue to dedicate all available resources to fulfillment of the work. We owe her this tribute, for she has done so much. Please, I implore you, if you have any dirty dishes, bring them forth so that they might be added to the pile. (or if you got any clean dishes, i could use those too... srsly, there's like no fucking bowls... Blossum needs his Honey Nut Scooters or it will not be a happy fucking wednesday!!!) The great tower awaits.

Also, someone else come up with a good tribute to honor CG for her return.

-R.S., henceforth to be known as R."Blossum"S.

Where is my family?

i miss the females in this suite. we need some more estrogen in here. I havent heard Commissioner Gordon say, "Lick on my nutsac bitch!" in like 4 days...its so sad. I haven't been able to pull through in the clutch with Grace and procure goods to keep our family alive and kicking in another 4 days. Where is my MamaBear?!?!? Where is my African queen!?!?!?! I have however been able to have my food eaten abruptly without asking by a certain estrogen filled element of our suite, and subsequently i gave up my claim to said food. That is not something that was missed. But it was nice to see her come back and tell me how her whole family thinks i'm HOT HOT HOT, so i guess that makes up for it.

COME BACK HOME! NO MORE BREAKS!

it's like last year all over again half our suite went abroad leaving us to die a slow and bitter death. I'm gonna go eat...alone. Look at the pain NN and I feel!


-MS

I Miss My Man Friends

So technically I'm not in the suite for the next few days (nor in New York even, *gasp!*) so I don't know the protocol for me posting on here....but fuck it, you guys can delete this if you really feel that strongly.
MS, my Halloween was very different from yours, you should have been there. I got dinner on Arthur Ave in the Bronx and my dad and I headed out. Passing only one accident, we flew down the Mass Pike and were back in Pilgrim town by 9. Anth came and got me and we stopped at my high school friend Luke's place for some vodka crans and their child's Halloween candy (sorry Harper! You're too young for chocolate anyway!) Then Anthony took us to a Starbucks employee party. It took about twenty minutes to find and when we arrived we were all in dire need of beer. Beer was freely flowing (it always is at home, never at school, WTF?) and Kim and I announced our intention to rule the beer pong table. I asked a nice Asian gentleman if he worked at Starbucks as well and he said fuck no, he worked at some cool bar. I replied with, well, I live in Manhattan so fuck you too and Kim and I moved in on the table. The music was pretty much Dragon Force only (the poor guy had only 350 songs on his itunes!!!) so I youtubed some Lil' Kim which irritated all the other guests and Kim and I proceeded to destroy the next three sets of opponents. I talked shit in the manner of MS and I when we play freshmen in fraternities.
Then we departed to pick up my friend John from another party who was wearing a ripped t-shirt and some cut-offs. When we asked what his costume was, he replied that he had been covered in fake blood but he sweated it off. We decided not to go in there. Instead we drove back to Luke and Kims to order "The Grace," bust out the hookahs, and finish off our drinks from earlier. Good times were had by all, many costumes had sequins, and I managed to wake up this morning at nine to praise Jesus. I kept things classy, albeit tamer than the public urination club scene you described.
I hope you boys are all taking care of yourselves and only throwing up in trash cans and toilets.
Love, Grace

UGHHHH

So as many of you know last night was Halloween. The night started off well, went and bought a bottle of rum, saw Alex who explained to me that his eyes were so dilated because he was tripping on LSD, went to MoWilli and bought a few bottles of Coke, then went to pregame. Excellent start!

UNTIL!!!!!!!!!!

decided to go to a club situated near the end of the parade. Bad news bears. Got out of the cab, had to run across avenues and around in circles instead of just going down the block that we got out of the cab on. Then, I realized that I had to pee violently and wouldn't you know it, there were no available bathrooms. Luckily I drunkenly pleaded with an amazing officer who told me, "Go pee wherever a dog would pee!" and I started off running down the block. Apologies to whoever's apartment building that was that I golden showered...but I couldn't hold it.

Eventually I made it to the club and turns out bottle service was 300 for 4 people. And wouldn't you know we had 13 people with us...promoter is a lying whore! So instead of going to Duvet we went to Taj across the street where cover was ONLY 25 dollars. But the Yankee game was playing in the back and there was an excellent mix of old school rap, new school rap, techno, and the club classics that make everyone go crazy. I vaguely remember using the bathroom again at some point and dropping a beer, picking it up, buying another one, double fisting, then getting a long island iced tea. Realized it was daylight savings and we just got an extra hour to go get more fucked up. Decided it was time to go and went down to Boka for some delicious fried chicken then made it back uptown somehow...very drunk. I mean really really drunk.

Sounds like a pretty good night right? Yeah it was until the morning came. Woke up feeling like ass, went downstairs and chugged some iced chai (mistake 1). Ordered Subsconscious and didnt realize the sandwich was covered in hot peppers (mistake 2). Chugged a gatorade to try to rehydrate myself (mistake 3). Then I took the first bite of my sandwich...and my body decided that was just too much for it to handle and decided everything that I put in it last night and in the morning needed to not be in there. Needless to say it was not a pretty sight but at least it was mostly liquid albeit alcohol and gatorade. But it had a very distinct smell of spiced chai which was slightly pleasant I guess.

I just slept for 10 hours trying to recover and now my entire body hurts from the gym yesterday, my stomach is fucked up, and I am severely poor after last night.

Drink Tally:
-Half a bottle of Conch Republic Dark Rum
-3 Coronas
-Long Island Iced Tea (very alcohol intensive and not good tasting)

Food Tally for 48 Hours
-Half a sandwich
-Omelet

Alcohol far outweighs my food consumption. Bad news bears.

Oh well that was my Night/Day. Hope everyone enjoyed that little story. Time to shower and not be naked in bed anymore.

-MS


PS- gregorian chant just came on in my iTunes

'Sup, Brah?? (***Turkey-Sex-Awesome***)

As of a few hours ago, our EC townhouse is officially a "Bros-Only Suite."

It's just me, Nate, and MS. All the girls went home for fall break because women are less emotionally and mentally stable than men (pshhh, it's not sexist, it's a fact--look it up, cunts), and they need their mommies. Which is fine. Bros weekend!!

Let the human-dishwasherless experiment begin.

Things are progressing normally so far. I bought wine (yellow tail = Australian = a spoon = not a knife), and Nate is making us a very manly dish for dinner that was originally called "a Turkey-Food-Loaf," until Nate and I gradually decided to rename it "a Turkey-Sex-Awesome."

Last time we had an all-male suite was in August when I moved in two weeks before everyone else and the suite was filled with lots of single servings of Mexican food and youtubing of karaoke showtune tracks and lonely crying of oneself to sleep at night and nightmares about killers creeping about downstairs... let's see how much of that repeats this time around.

-R.S.

A Party That Wasn't Fake

We're all so balls-down happy that you came to our Halloween party, especially after the shameful, misspelled, forcible, last-minute cancellation of the last party. hopefully we can all put that unpleasantness behind us. Whether you got here in time for the cookies and brownies and the most vodka-heavy Jello shots of all time and thematic gin mix, or late enough to scrounge around for clear rum and cups of tap water and spit for chaser and candy corn that kinda melted together in the candy dish, it was our best yet. Every surface in the suite is still damp and sticky... it's like wading around in a giant expelled placenta, but we don't mind because it just means we brought much joy into the world.

I'm a lil disappointed that we forgot about Grace's idea to live-blog the entire party until it was too late to start. that would have been a delightful thing to have the morning after... maybe we'll make it happen for our xmas party, or Evie's birthday party, or my coming out party, or whatever's next. (Note: actually, "whatever's next" = a huge-ass wine-filled Greek sex orgy-type party that Nate is throwing for everyone on fri/13 for some weird greek festival holiday thing that only Classics majors know about... be there.)

Happy Halloween! And be safe out there, kids... don't eat any candy or fuck anything unless it's wrapped!!

-R.S.

Tonight.

A concerned reader pointed out to me that we have not posted in two days. We have been remiss. I personally have been far less remiss than two members of the gang who have yet to post at all (I'm looking right at you Commissioner Gordon and Nate!) but we are all responsible. To make it up to you, we are hosting a Halloween Gala for real, no late night cancellations, no cold feet. There will be jello shots, gin buckets, boxed wine, candy, and those Pillsbury sugar cookies with a pumpkin inside the roll so when you slice it your cookies have pumpkins on them. Yum. There will be costumes and dancing and prizes. Updates to follow with possible live blogging during the night.
-Grace

Campus Poop Bandit: Walking Among Us?

So everyone's probably heard that someone pooped on Alma Mater Saturday night.

*In case you're out of the loop, know it wasn't on the actual person part of the statue, apparently... (I know, right?? that's what I thought at first too!) ...on the square base part of the statue... slightly less blasphemous.

We're like 92% sure we know which two people are responsible (not us... NOT. any. of us).

What should we do...
a. turn them in?
b. wait to see if/where/when they poop again?
c. poop outside their suite door?
d. ????????

-R.S.

Saturday Night, Paula Deen Style

M.S. and I made this for family dinner on Saturday night. The green beans counteract the huge mac and cheese and the pie.

One Day's Silence

We did not post yesterday at all. I wish I could say it was because the Lord's day is a day of rest, but in truth, it was because we were doing all of the work we should have been doing Thursday through Saturday. We'll try not to leave you hanging like that again, adoring public. Commissioner Gordon and N.N. have yet to post anything although they have been present at the time of communal posts. A general outcry from our vast readership might compel them to put their thoughts into words and their words on this blog.
-Grace

Ugh, Rain

M.S. and I are going to be making a comforting family dinner of mac and cheese, green beans, and apple pie to counteract the shitacular weather. Updates and photos to follow.
-Grace

Has Our Suite Lost All Party Cred?

Yes.

We were supposed to have a party with shots of liquor, shots of juice, and aluminum cans of wine. We were forced by a bitter gypsy woman (at left) to cancel. such is life. But facebook sucks big floppy donkey dick, so even though we canceled the party yesterday afternoon, no one got the email about the cancellation until after 9pm. and the poorly spelled, playfully ironic message explaining the cancellation didn't show up in my inbox until 4:47 am... 7 hours after the party was supposed to start.

We look lame. Even though we want to have a real party next weekend, I'm sure no one will believe us and no one will come. We'll probably all die alone too.

maybe we deserve it?

-R.S.

p.s. I have my own shampoo. I keep all my shampoo and conditioner and body wash and stuff in my room because I think it's gross to leave my personal hygiene products on the floor of the shower while the run-off from six filthy bodies rains down upon them every day.

p.p.s. Let's have wine for dinner.

"Not I", said the Little Red Hen

Hi McKenneth! I have not been stealing your shampoo because I only like to use shampoos that smell very strongly of fruit. Example: all three empty fructis garnier shampoo thingamabobbers are mine. Due to budget cuts, the raspberry and grapeseed extract V05 have replaced them. I have never run out of shampoo but I have once run out of conditioner and then I used some of Christina's because I wanted to know what would happen if a white person used a conditioner that specifically said it was for black people's hair (nothing happened except that I smelled like Christina for a day, yum.)

In related news, what should we make for dinner tonight? The only suggestion thus far on the table is brisket.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brisket

Shampoo and Mimosas

So GD, CG and I just got back from a nice little breakfast brunch complete with mimosas and bloody mary's and delicious foodstuffs. I have a slight buzz working which seems to be a trend for posting on this blog. So that covers the mimosa portion of this post title. Now onto more pressing matters. The Shampoo Bandit! I as you know am a skinny black hipster dude, short hair, 100% sexy. I dont use a lot of shampoo. But it seems as if someone has been using my shampoo and it is almost finished. Now usually I buy 1 bottle of shampoo and it lasts for a solid 4-5 months. This bottle is almost empty after 2 months...coincidence? I think not. It may be that gypsy woman that I double crossed last night. This is very stressful for me since I really like to wash my head and I am anxious about the moment when I step into the shower one day to wash and there is no shampoo to do the washing. I'll have to use body wash or *gasp* steal someone else's shampoo. Not a situation I want to find myself in. So hopefully the person/demonic spirit who is haunting/stealing (from) me will cease their activity and I can calm myself and rest assured that I will be able to continue washing my hair as per usual. That's it for now...gonna go do a little work.


Au Revoir!

M.S.

Quote of the Day

"I looked at my puke this morning, and I was like, 'I should chew more.'"

-the Irish Drunk



--R.S.

"i got cousins, country cousins".. in FLORIDA.. spring break, anyone??

soooo.. in the midst of some intense procrastinating, i opted to shoot the shit with my suitemates. what was the topic of conversation? SPRING FUCKING BREAK.. so, what are a bunch of budget conscious college seniors to do? ARGUE.. destination: florida or maine.. transportation choice: plane or car.. none of this really matters. you might ask yourself, "what really matters." well i'll fucking tell you.. WHAT IS CHEAPER?!?! in other news, mckenneth and i might be related.. seriously. a good amount of our white/cherokee family members are from columbia, south carolina. we're probably second cousins twice removed.. gross.

-evie

p.s. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5VGabbDceY

The Morning After

I am very hungry. Extreme utter morning after drunk escapades supermunchies. I need food in my body. I am getting a headache and my tummy is growling. If anyone can hear me...send food and water. Please. Or I could stop being lazy and walk downstairs and make myself some breakfast. Also, we need to get cable because I hate having to clean up my room the morning after. There is also a very strange smell emanating from the side of my bed. I do not know what it is, nor do I want to know. I just want it to cease.

kthxbai,

M.S.

p.s.
SEND FOOD!

House of Ungodly Horrors

Sweet fuck, there is nothing creepier or sadder than watching each person in the golden gang (me included) stumble out of their rooms to the bathroom or the kitchen or the vending machines in the a.m.


Warning to all: never be awake in this suite during the hours of 8:30 am to...???? It's too much to handle. srsly. We are not golden. Not until 1 or 2 in the p.m.

-R.S.

When we left the lingerie party...

Evie fails at studying...in related news, Kenny says Beyonce is the new Socrates. Yeah...i was prettyy drunk...like blackout...i yelled at a few people, asked some people who live in furnald to walk me back to EC...interesting night. ended with me falling down the stairs of my suite onto the floor begging for someone to take care of me...but not give me water because i know that trick!!!!!

I said please dont slow me down if im going toooo fast!!!!!

- Reptilia, The Strokes

p.s.
This is a guest post from the original kenneth rivera. word. well we are in teh suites and we're all like what that's crazy and grace isn't able to sleep where black woman in the morning and mckenneth is sleeping in front of old people. Mckenneth didnt pay attention to the distance while a guy answered the question. database for employees using the select function got pwned for sleeping. a goof archive of posts are for the welcoming committee of friendship. mushinrooms are trippy balls crazy. nuts.





......the nightman cometh

So... Two Nights Ago, This Happened:

(he's eating an apple.)

That's all.

xx

-R.S.

Update: STRANGER DANGER!

Ok so we were in our suite and the fire alarm went off. Doing nothing but sitting around drinking whiskey sours. And...BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! crazy. so we were outside for like 30 mins and we came back. Then! just wait....SWEET CAROLINE...BUM BUM BUMMMMMM. and life is good.

MS and PR

DRUNKKKKKKKK

salt n pepas here!!!!

we started drinking whiskey sours at 4 pm. we drank a liter of whiskey sours and now we're getting more! yeahhhhhhh boiiiiiiii flavor flav!!!!!!!!!! we will update soooon

Cable?

As a sort of a disclaimer, I think I'm the person in this suite who reads the most blogs (AKA the loneliest) so I was feeling a lot of pressure to live up to these other sites and be incredibly funny or hip or artistic or charming or have a really cool layout. Then I realized these were unrealistic expectations so I think I'm just going to go the Ramsey route and keep it topical. I have also have been suffering conflicting feelings about the ladybugs (they're so cute until they bust out those wings, then they make me think of locusts) but since that topics been pretty well fleshed out already, I guess I will have to explore other suite issues.

Even though we all clearly have too much time on our hands, we have thus far been unable to get our shit together enough to get cable. We have a TV...well, Commisioner Gordon does and she's a generous soul. We have a big common lounge type situation with some marginally comfortable couches and chairs and a T.V. table which could be used for snacks, drinks, or feet resting although preferably not at the same time. We also have the finances, maybe not individually but collectively, to pay 30 dollars a month. Lastly, we have computers and internet which we could easily use to sign up for cable from the University provider. So why don't we have cable yet?


Because we are lazy. I don't want to point fingers I'll stick with the suite member I know best: me. I am so lazy that I let my laundry sit in the washing machine for eight hours yesterday because I lacked the motivational drive to go downstairs and put it in the dryer, thus necessitating that I wash all my clothes a second time because they had been sitting in cold water for wight hours breeding moldy smells. They are currently in the washer again but the chances of me going down to switch them are slim. I am also so lazy that I do not use the beautiful plates we bought at Target because that would make an extra dish to wash. I just eat out whatever pot I cooked in. I was too lazy this morning to wake up before ten. It's almost two and I'm still not dressed yet (waiting on that laundry!!) And it occurs to me now, that all this time I'm spending posting could have easily been used to order cable. Or you know, do homework or apply for jobs.

I'm not sure what to do about this flaw now that I've identified it because it's fairly well ingrained into my approach to life. Also, it's being reinforced by this yoga class from hell that I'm taking with E.L. where the instructor continually tells us to free our mind from stress and distraction. This is the only part of the class I'm doing well in, my ability to maintain physical yoga poses is debatable.

Anyhoo, between homework, laundry, ladybugs, and cable, I have a lot on my plate today so I'm going to end here and have some tea or wine or something. Further updates on the cable situation to follow.

-Grace

Lady Bug Infestation

Our suite--and the rest of the building, apparently-- is under siege by lady bugs(!!). They started appearing a week ago, and until today I thought they were only coming to me room, attracted by the two eight-inch-tall plants from Kmart that sit on my window sill. Naive? Perhaps.

But just now I saw that Bwog commenter WTF reported yesterday a "ladybug infestation in the east-facing rooms of EC. close your windows, people!!"

Suitemates, now is the time for decisions. Do we welcome lady bugs into our suite (and our blog?) as friends? Or do we take the anonymous commenter's advice and treat their arrival as hostile?

Thus far, I'm happy to report that they've been nothing but gracious and respectful. At first I thought the Bwog commenter was being unnecessarily rash and disturbingly distrusting of those different than him/herself. And yet, however politically incorrect this may be, I think it's at least worth raising the question: Do the lady bugs pose a threat?

Like the baby appropriately pictured below, it's easy to focus on their immediate innocence and beauty, forgetting that we have no way of knowing how long their cordial behavior will last. Will Lady-Bug-Baby stay that cute forever, or will he grow up to become a child molester who rapes other costumed babies? The only way to know for certain is to wait, and by then it will be too late to save them.



-R.S.

WELCOME FRIENDS

This website is how we plan to become famous before we graduate in May 2010.

P.S. We're having a party on Friday at 10 (come at 11).