Whatcha drinkin? Rum or Whiskey?

SO. basically Grace and I are pretty fucking clutch. We were really poor last night and we wanted to drink like most college students do. But whatever could we do? Liquor store? too expensive. Rich friends? we have no friends. Game night? no. OH WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!!!!!

FREE OPEN BAR AT POURHOUSE!!!! (clicklinksforfreedrinks.com - invite us all please kthx)

So Grace and I were discussing this as we were walking to Harlem to get two dollar blocks of cheese from C-Mart and 2 dollar coals from the street vendor with all the delicious smelling oil things and such. **2 is the magic number!** Let the calling begin! Oh wait...no one answered the phone so we sank into the depths of despair. Recall the fact that we have NO FRIENDS. So we get back to the suite after sprinting up the hill back from Harlem and set down in our suite and start thinking more about who might actually show up to an open bar. In the end we got about 20 people signed up and sent the invitations...but nothing is ever that easy. We sent out the email but nothing happened because we have already had a free open bar so we all found/created new email accounts (thanks gmail!) and got everything set up.

8 o'clock rolls around and we, read Grace, started freaking out about people not showing up and us not getting our open bar. I, being the cool calm hipster dude that I am, told her relax its all gon b k to which Grace replied, "Dude open your eyes, you're not gonna get into pourhouse looking like that." Whatever. I am a champion.

We walk and walk and walk, trudging along the cold hard streets toward Pourhouse and we arrive after our brisk walk to find Patrick there, the only one on time. I walk in, calm and cool and demand to see the manager OR ELSE! Of course they abided and within moments we were perched on our stools, mouths watering, waiting for the barmistress to come by and take our orders. She asks us, Whatcha drinkin, Rum or Whiskey? but not really. She just gave us our open bar bands and reminded us that GRATUITY is NOT INCLUDED! After this we begin to down drinks like there's no tomorrow, or rather there's no more free booze after 9:10pm. Nate showed up with some friends and joined the debauchery and had 4 too many drinks and began to hit on the bartender.

I quote, "You aRree the MOOSssst BeautifFul BartTEendRERr I've EverreeRR Seennn@EEEeEE#@EEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

9 rolled around and we decided it would be a good idea to go to Postcrypt...in a church...while drunks...WRONG! terrible idea. worst idea... we came, we saw, we RAN! back to our suite, the REAL holy place where we took it to the next level! h405 Style!!!! BITCHES...needless to say the entire night was a success.

Grace and I, united in our cause, ran, jumped, and said,

"FTW FTW FTW FTW! CLUTCH CLUTCH CLUTCH!!!!"

Now, we are a little sauced because my dad came through in the clutch...YAY PARENTS!!!!

LOVE LOVE,

Grace and that cool, calm hipster dude!

two loves remember that's the magic number!
two
not you
we dont need your stinkin friendship
but we do...
come to our next party on friday at 10 (come at 11 so we can be drunk before you get here)!

there will be wine, and pomegranates, and grapes and all that greek stuff. Oh and wear a toga.

we LOVE LOVE you!

grace says, "good, post."

In Honor of Our Suitemates' Return

To honor Grace on the day of her return this Wednesday, I propose we build a giant monument, a statuesque sculpture of dirty, used, rotting dishware in homage to our fair-skinned suitemate. It will stretch from a towering peak high above the counter, down into the depths of the sink, which it will fill until the basin runeth over. It will be the the most daunting and daring feat of architecture, engineering, and slovenliness yet achieved by the hands of man. Its glistening surface--smelling foully of hookah smoke and a-titter with the dancing of a thousand fruit flies--will stretch as tall as the sky and deeper than hell.

Yes, suitemates, though it is indeed true that our colossal structure already nears completion, we must not rest; rather, we must continue to dedicate all available resources to fulfillment of the work. We owe her this tribute, for she has done so much. Please, I implore you, if you have any dirty dishes, bring them forth so that they might be added to the pile. (or if you got any clean dishes, i could use those too... srsly, there's like no fucking bowls... Blossum needs his Honey Nut Scooters or it will not be a happy fucking wednesday!!!) The great tower awaits.

Also, someone else come up with a good tribute to honor CG for her return.

-R.S., henceforth to be known as R."Blossum"S.

Where is my family?

i miss the females in this suite. we need some more estrogen in here. I havent heard Commissioner Gordon say, "Lick on my nutsac bitch!" in like 4 days...its so sad. I haven't been able to pull through in the clutch with Grace and procure goods to keep our family alive and kicking in another 4 days. Where is my MamaBear?!?!? Where is my African queen!?!?!?! I have however been able to have my food eaten abruptly without asking by a certain estrogen filled element of our suite, and subsequently i gave up my claim to said food. That is not something that was missed. But it was nice to see her come back and tell me how her whole family thinks i'm HOT HOT HOT, so i guess that makes up for it.

COME BACK HOME! NO MORE BREAKS!

it's like last year all over again half our suite went abroad leaving us to die a slow and bitter death. I'm gonna go eat...alone. Look at the pain NN and I feel!


-MS

I Miss My Man Friends

So technically I'm not in the suite for the next few days (nor in New York even, *gasp!*) so I don't know the protocol for me posting on here....but fuck it, you guys can delete this if you really feel that strongly.
MS, my Halloween was very different from yours, you should have been there. I got dinner on Arthur Ave in the Bronx and my dad and I headed out. Passing only one accident, we flew down the Mass Pike and were back in Pilgrim town by 9. Anth came and got me and we stopped at my high school friend Luke's place for some vodka crans and their child's Halloween candy (sorry Harper! You're too young for chocolate anyway!) Then Anthony took us to a Starbucks employee party. It took about twenty minutes to find and when we arrived we were all in dire need of beer. Beer was freely flowing (it always is at home, never at school, WTF?) and Kim and I announced our intention to rule the beer pong table. I asked a nice Asian gentleman if he worked at Starbucks as well and he said fuck no, he worked at some cool bar. I replied with, well, I live in Manhattan so fuck you too and Kim and I moved in on the table. The music was pretty much Dragon Force only (the poor guy had only 350 songs on his itunes!!!) so I youtubed some Lil' Kim which irritated all the other guests and Kim and I proceeded to destroy the next three sets of opponents. I talked shit in the manner of MS and I when we play freshmen in fraternities.
Then we departed to pick up my friend John from another party who was wearing a ripped t-shirt and some cut-offs. When we asked what his costume was, he replied that he had been covered in fake blood but he sweated it off. We decided not to go in there. Instead we drove back to Luke and Kims to order "The Grace," bust out the hookahs, and finish off our drinks from earlier. Good times were had by all, many costumes had sequins, and I managed to wake up this morning at nine to praise Jesus. I kept things classy, albeit tamer than the public urination club scene you described.
I hope you boys are all taking care of yourselves and only throwing up in trash cans and toilets.
Love, Grace

UGHHHH

So as many of you know last night was Halloween. The night started off well, went and bought a bottle of rum, saw Alex who explained to me that his eyes were so dilated because he was tripping on LSD, went to MoWilli and bought a few bottles of Coke, then went to pregame. Excellent start!

UNTIL!!!!!!!!!!

decided to go to a club situated near the end of the parade. Bad news bears. Got out of the cab, had to run across avenues and around in circles instead of just going down the block that we got out of the cab on. Then, I realized that I had to pee violently and wouldn't you know it, there were no available bathrooms. Luckily I drunkenly pleaded with an amazing officer who told me, "Go pee wherever a dog would pee!" and I started off running down the block. Apologies to whoever's apartment building that was that I golden showered...but I couldn't hold it.

Eventually I made it to the club and turns out bottle service was 300 for 4 people. And wouldn't you know we had 13 people with us...promoter is a lying whore! So instead of going to Duvet we went to Taj across the street where cover was ONLY 25 dollars. But the Yankee game was playing in the back and there was an excellent mix of old school rap, new school rap, techno, and the club classics that make everyone go crazy. I vaguely remember using the bathroom again at some point and dropping a beer, picking it up, buying another one, double fisting, then getting a long island iced tea. Realized it was daylight savings and we just got an extra hour to go get more fucked up. Decided it was time to go and went down to Boka for some delicious fried chicken then made it back uptown somehow...very drunk. I mean really really drunk.

Sounds like a pretty good night right? Yeah it was until the morning came. Woke up feeling like ass, went downstairs and chugged some iced chai (mistake 1). Ordered Subsconscious and didnt realize the sandwich was covered in hot peppers (mistake 2). Chugged a gatorade to try to rehydrate myself (mistake 3). Then I took the first bite of my sandwich...and my body decided that was just too much for it to handle and decided everything that I put in it last night and in the morning needed to not be in there. Needless to say it was not a pretty sight but at least it was mostly liquid albeit alcohol and gatorade. But it had a very distinct smell of spiced chai which was slightly pleasant I guess.

I just slept for 10 hours trying to recover and now my entire body hurts from the gym yesterday, my stomach is fucked up, and I am severely poor after last night.

Drink Tally:
-Half a bottle of Conch Republic Dark Rum
-3 Coronas
-Long Island Iced Tea (very alcohol intensive and not good tasting)

Food Tally for 48 Hours
-Half a sandwich
-Omelet

Alcohol far outweighs my food consumption. Bad news bears.

Oh well that was my Night/Day. Hope everyone enjoyed that little story. Time to shower and not be naked in bed anymore.

-MS


PS- gregorian chant just came on in my iTunes

'Sup, Brah?? (***Turkey-Sex-Awesome***)

As of a few hours ago, our EC townhouse is officially a "Bros-Only Suite."

It's just me, Nate, and MS. All the girls went home for fall break because women are less emotionally and mentally stable than men (pshhh, it's not sexist, it's a fact--look it up, cunts), and they need their mommies. Which is fine. Bros weekend!!

Let the human-dishwasherless experiment begin.

Things are progressing normally so far. I bought wine (yellow tail = Australian = a spoon = not a knife), and Nate is making us a very manly dish for dinner that was originally called "a Turkey-Food-Loaf," until Nate and I gradually decided to rename it "a Turkey-Sex-Awesome."

Last time we had an all-male suite was in August when I moved in two weeks before everyone else and the suite was filled with lots of single servings of Mexican food and youtubing of karaoke showtune tracks and lonely crying of oneself to sleep at night and nightmares about killers creeping about downstairs... let's see how much of that repeats this time around.

-R.S.

A Party That Wasn't Fake

We're all so balls-down happy that you came to our Halloween party, especially after the shameful, misspelled, forcible, last-minute cancellation of the last party. hopefully we can all put that unpleasantness behind us. Whether you got here in time for the cookies and brownies and the most vodka-heavy Jello shots of all time and thematic gin mix, or late enough to scrounge around for clear rum and cups of tap water and spit for chaser and candy corn that kinda melted together in the candy dish, it was our best yet. Every surface in the suite is still damp and sticky... it's like wading around in a giant expelled placenta, but we don't mind because it just means we brought much joy into the world.

I'm a lil disappointed that we forgot about Grace's idea to live-blog the entire party until it was too late to start. that would have been a delightful thing to have the morning after... maybe we'll make it happen for our xmas party, or Evie's birthday party, or my coming out party, or whatever's next. (Note: actually, "whatever's next" = a huge-ass wine-filled Greek sex orgy-type party that Nate is throwing for everyone on fri/13 for some weird greek festival holiday thing that only Classics majors know about... be there.)

Happy Halloween! And be safe out there, kids... don't eat any candy or fuck anything unless it's wrapped!!

-R.S.

Tonight.

A concerned reader pointed out to me that we have not posted in two days. We have been remiss. I personally have been far less remiss than two members of the gang who have yet to post at all (I'm looking right at you Commissioner Gordon and Nate!) but we are all responsible. To make it up to you, we are hosting a Halloween Gala for real, no late night cancellations, no cold feet. There will be jello shots, gin buckets, boxed wine, candy, and those Pillsbury sugar cookies with a pumpkin inside the roll so when you slice it your cookies have pumpkins on them. Yum. There will be costumes and dancing and prizes. Updates to follow with possible live blogging during the night.
-Grace

Campus Poop Bandit: Walking Among Us?

So everyone's probably heard that someone pooped on Alma Mater Saturday night.

*In case you're out of the loop, know it wasn't on the actual person part of the statue, apparently... (I know, right?? that's what I thought at first too!) ...on the square base part of the statue... slightly less blasphemous.

We're like 92% sure we know which two people are responsible (not us... NOT. any. of us).

What should we do...
a. turn them in?
b. wait to see if/where/when they poop again?
c. poop outside their suite door?
d. ????????

-R.S.

Saturday Night, Paula Deen Style

M.S. and I made this for family dinner on Saturday night. The green beans counteract the huge mac and cheese and the pie.

One Day's Silence

We did not post yesterday at all. I wish I could say it was because the Lord's day is a day of rest, but in truth, it was because we were doing all of the work we should have been doing Thursday through Saturday. We'll try not to leave you hanging like that again, adoring public. Commissioner Gordon and N.N. have yet to post anything although they have been present at the time of communal posts. A general outcry from our vast readership might compel them to put their thoughts into words and their words on this blog.
-Grace

Ugh, Rain

M.S. and I are going to be making a comforting family dinner of mac and cheese, green beans, and apple pie to counteract the shitacular weather. Updates and photos to follow.
-Grace